America went from 31 flavor subprime loan parlors on just about every street corner to single scoop vanilla cone prime loans, over night.

Ice cream loans, ice cream loans, come and get your ice cream loans, lenders cried over the last 5 years. If we don’t have your flavor, don’t fret, we’ll make you a custom waffle loan cone with whatever underwriting sprinkles you like.

People rushed to get a taste of this secret recipe ice cream that everyone was boasting about. Hell, if Johnny can get a three scoop loan cone, I can get four scoops and I’ll take my four scoops and turn it into super fudge loan brownie sundae.

Then you had the franchise broker opportunist that wanted to open their very own 31 Flavors Loan Parlor and get a piece of the easy ice cream action. These parlors were popping on just about every street corner in America serving ice cream loans to just about anyone with a pulse.

Example Underwriting Guidelines For Just About Any of the 31 Flavor Loans:

Hey, Jose, breathe on this glass and if it fogs, YOU’RE APPROVED! You don’t need no stinking paperwork for this ice cream loan. Hell, you don’t even need a job because I’ll make it up for you. Social Security Card? Don’t worry, I’ve got a machine that pumps at SS numbers in about 2.2 seconds. Will it appraise? Of course it will, Joe Appraiser get’s all the free ice cream appraisals he wants, so of course it will appraise.

This ice cream loan madness continued for months and years. People made lots of money with their ice cream loan homes and 31 Flavor Subprime Loan franchises were thriving and making a killing in every city in America. It didn’t matter if it was summer or winter. People were buying ice cream loans in record numbers and then…….

January-March 2007 is when ice cream subprime cone loans begin the biggest melt down this 31 Flavor loving country has ever seen. We went from an endless supply of whatever ice cream loan we could imagine or dream of to single scoop vanilla cones prime loans over night.

Then the heat from the toxic loan cones began to melt everyones ice cream loan cone homes. People didn’t realize that the loan cone they got from the 31 Flavors Ice Cream Loan Cone Parlor were in fact toxic and cancerous. Many had ice cream loan terminal cancer after it was diagnosed just a few months before. Many of the exotic flavor ice cream loan cones melted almost immediately from the toxic ice cream fall out and it started to spread to the people that never bought nothing but plain vanilla loan cones all their life.

People looked everywhere to off load their cancerous loan cone homes, but no one wanted to even taste their toxic ice cream homes, let alone buy it. What are people that dumb to buy a toxic loan cone home when it is quite obvious that they will then suffer from terminal cancer from the radiation fall out of their neighbors.

Government watched as ice cream home values melted away and neighborhoods were engulfed by 20 foot waves of melted homes, peoples and dreams. They held meetings looking for solutions as people cried in agony. Senators rushed to do what they could to help, but the waves of cream kept coming, drowning everyone in their path.

Then one day, a man named Moe said, “OK, obviously these ice cream subprime loan cones are melting and the heat from the fall out is unbearable. There is no need to bring in the rocket scientists for this one guys. What we need to do is build a big, big freezer and freeze these damn toxic ice cream loans in their tracks. If we force the ice cream dealers to put these loans in our big freezer, then it will stop the melt down and give us time to figure a way to trade these super fudge toxic chunk ice cream loans and turn them into plain vanilla loans again.”

Then everyone lived happily ever after.